The Quick and the Dead
by Quintessential Queen of Hearts
Summary: Harder than knowing she was dead was knowing he still had to tell Abby. Moving on after Kate's death. Some Mcabby.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own NCIS; No infringement is intended.

Reviews are so appreciated. I cannot thank reviewers enough.

What was done was done. Kate was dead and nothing was going to change that. Ever since he had watched her fall onto that rooftop his mind had been a pinball machine. His thoughts had yet to calm down: pinging between Kate, the rooftop which had become deathbed and crime scene, the investigation that would have to happen, Tony and McGee, and as it had been for months, his mind inevitable went back to Ari. That bastard. He would find him. Ari would not get out of this alive. He could at least promise her that. One of the last things he would ever be able to do for her. Revenge and vengeance were old friends. He was responsible for her and now she lay in her own blood at his feet. Her blood was on his hands both literally and figuratively. She hadn't even been removed from where she fell and Kate was already one of the ghosts that would follow him the rest of his life.

Time was acting oddly. Speeding up then stopping; focusing the strangest moments in his head. Going from booming loudness to still silence. Her last smile still flashed before his eyes. He was aware when McGee had made it to them. He hadn't been able to tear his eyes away from DiNozzo and McGee as the younger agent had taken the photos of Tony's face. Her blood. Evidence. Tony hadn't said two words and Gibbs wasn't sure he even knew that McGee had basically taken over both of their jobs. While McGee was staunchly refusing to look at his fallen friend, Tony couldn't stop staring at her, hadn't taken his eyes off of her since Gibbs could remember. Where the hell was Ducky? She shouldn't be here. They needed to get her away.

Headquarters. He needed to get them all there. They all needed to get as far away from the rooftop of unspeakable atrocity and devastation as they could. Ducky was there. When had that happened? They were going home. Taking her home. The arrival of Ducky was enough to pull him out of his own mind and bring him back to his role of leader of the troops. Orders were given, everything, everyone packed up. Ducky was beside him, talking, more gently then he normally did to Gibbs, he should pay attention, it sounded important. "I didn't tell her where we were going. She doesn't know." That pulled Gibbs right back into the moment. A whole new sense of horror and dread filled him.

He got into the car with Ducky. The ride back to NCIS passed far more quickly than he'd expected. He hadn't considered his next task until Ducky had brought it up. He'd been too focused on those present for her death. But riding in the truck back he tried to prepare himself. There was no way he could ever be prepared. He was going to have to tell one of the most important people in the world to him that her best friend was dead. This was going to break her heart. He was going to break her heart.

They all accompanied Kate to autopsy. Gibbs waited with DiNozzo and McGee until she was settled. Ducky came back to them and looked at Gibbs questioningly. It would be worse if she found out by accident. By someone who didn't know her like they did. He was one of the ones who knew her best. One of the others now lay on that harsh metal slab. Losing Kate was going to devastate her. He looked back to his two remaining agents. Both of them looked like they were in shock. He probably did too. He nodded to Ducky as he went to leave. "Convince DiNozzo to wash his face." He could leave Ducky with that chore. He had the proper finesse. The senior field agent had blanched at any previous attempt to wash away the macabre reminder of her he now carried. It was more than a little disturbing but everything was today.

Gibbs got to her lab. She was at her computer, back to him. She had been through so much. She didn't really have close friends beyond the team and her nuns. A small group. He knew she kept everyone else away. If nobody is truly close to you, it can't hurt when they leave. A favorite philosophy of his own. Still yet; He knew things about her. How much she had had taken away. The darkness in her past the others wouldn't have dreamed of. Except for Kate, he knew she had told Kate everything. For as sunny and happy as she was, Abby came with scars that didn't go away. Now he got to bring her another. She didn't deserve it. She was so good. She had lost so much.

He watched her turn around to find him staring at her. She knew something was wrong. That much was certain. He went to her as she stood up. "What happened?" She was quiet. Even worse than the frantic panic she was famous for was the quietness. He couldn't say anything. "Tony?" She looked to him for answers. "Tim?" Maybe he wasn't the best person to do this. Ducky would have handled this better. "Kate?" He felt himself flinch at her name. She was deathly quiet now. "What happened to her? Gibbs. Where. Is. Kate?" He finally found his voice. "She's dead. Ari. She's gone Abby." He watched the tears fall start falling down her face. Tears dyed black from her makeup. He didn't think she knew she was crying.

She demanded to see her. Gibbs would do anything for her. But, He couldn't let her. Not that. Not before Ducky cleaned her up. She would see it all in the evidence. He couldn't prevent the fact that she would have to run the evidence, see the photos, from her best friend's murder, but he could sure as hell make sure she didn't see her lying there like that. It was different when you saw it yourself; she didn't need Kate laying in autopsy with a bullet through her forehead to add to her nightmares. Defeated, she asked to see the others. They started for the bullpen. He hoped to God DiNozzo had washed the blood off his face. She followed him like a lost puppy, still crying. When they got there they both took in Tony, who had come to his senses about the blood it seemed, and McGee, both relatively unharmed. Well physically at least. It was a start.

He was still taking in his remaining agents and didn't notice she was gone at first. He whipped his head around looking for her. He pulled out his phone. Hopefully she was headed for the lab. To be safe he dialed Ducky as he ran after her. When Ducky had picked up, he gave one instruction before promptly hanging up; "Whatever you do, don't let her in." He made it to her lab. He didn't see her but that didn't mean anything. When she was this upset she liked to hide, make herself as small as possible, lock herself down in her own mind. He weaved his way through the maze of rooms to the very back. Seeing her made him stop, made him break a little bit more. For all of them. She was there, curled up in the corner sobbing so hard he could see her shaking from the doorway.

Gibbs walked over to her, sank down and pulled her against himself. He knew he should say something; he refused to tell her it would be okay or any of the other vague things you heard people say all the time. It was not okay. He didn't know if she would be okay or not. He was not going to lie to her. They sat there. He held her. She cried. After awhile he could hear her talking under her breath, through the tears. He kept his vigil with her. He was not going to be another person to leave her when she needed him. Eventually he could make out some of what she was saying. Begging him to bring her back, bargaining with God, lines of prayers, a mishmash of Latin and English. He didn't know if it was for Kate or for herself. He'd guess it was whatever floated to her mind, but she wasn't really making sense. Lines committed to memory since childhood, he hoped it was helping her. "Just want Kate." She was so completely broken.

They were a fine pair. Gibbs was always the one she went to fix anything. Kate could not be fixed. He could not return her to Abby. This might be the first time he ever let her down. On the other hand, he was the one everyone else came to for all issues concerning Abby but he wasn't sure he could keep her from going off the deep end. Nothing was right today. He knew nothing he said would probably make any difference to her. Wasn't even sure she could hear him. None the less he promised to find him. To kill him for what he did to Kate. To all of them. Promised her Tony and McGee were still with them. He stated obvious things that didn't have much to do with anything. Trying to bring her back to him.

He stayed with her until she seemed to breathe easier, the sobbing had stopped, and she seemed to not be completely at the edge of a mental breakdown. She told him to go. Knew he had work to do. He told her he'd send Tony or McGee down after awhile. That seemed to help a little. Before he left he stopped and made her swear not to leave the Navy Yard. Assured she wasn't going anywhere he returned to the bullpen. He wasn't sure of very much right then but he knew he couldn't get Kate back. Kate wasn't ever coming back and he was not going to lose Abby. Ari was not going to take anything else away from him. Ari was going to die.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own NCIS; no infringement is intended.

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It was the night before the funeral. The funeral where they would bury her best friend. Finalize that she was already gone. They had all been sent home. Gibbs was busy. She couldn't go with him. He had some plan he was being vague about but that she knew had something to do with Ari's status of still breathing. Tony was going home way of the nearest liquor store.

He always did his best initial grieving alone with copious amounts of alcohol. He wouldn't want an audience. She was going home with McGee. Not unusual, more so now than in the past. He would not tell her no. That she was thankful for. She hadn't exactly told him this plan yet but he wouldn't mind. Abby could not make herself go home alone. There was too much Kate at her apartment. Too much Kate everywhere. Especially in her head.

It was the truth that she didn't want to be alone. But it went further than that. If she asked, Tim would go home with her in a second. His apartment was better. Safer. There was less Kate and he had a bed. She loved her coffin but Abby was well aware that laying it and knowing Kate was in an unfamiliar cold box was far too much. She couldn't take the juxtaposition. So she would go with Tim and sleep in his bed and not be alone. She chose to solidify her focus there and not at the tiny lingering thought in her head that she didn't really trust herself enough to be alone.

She had been managing to pull it together as she worked the evidence. She could disassociate enough to get her work done. Being alone would be bad. Alone with memories and Kate. No. She was going to Mcgee's. Decision made, she collected her things and headed off to find him. He was talking to ducky when she found him. Ducky said his goodbyes patting her arm as he left. Of course he knew how well she had taken the news. Gibbs would have told him. "Did you need something Abby?" "To go home with you." he nodded. Tim didn't question her, just looped his arm around hers as they headed out. She was glad he understood. Abby knew she wouldn't have been able to explain. Not in a way that didn't result in her getting a psych consult.

The work facade unnecessary and she could feel herself cracking again. They had been back at his place for awhile. She had spent a good portion of her time manically flipping around the Internet after commandeering his computer. He knew what it was like trying to block out your thoughts. One of her favorite qualities of Mcgee was that he understood what it was like to not be able to turn off your own head. Eventually he had turned off all the lights around her and she acquiesced to follow him into his bedroom.

Abby had survived about a minute until the "you have to live the rest of your life without Kate" thoughts started infiltrating back into her mind. Dark thoughts mixing with the knowledge that Kate might not be the end. Who would be next? How long would it take for them all to be taken away? She hadn't been able to prove it with the evidence but she believed Gibbs. Ari was still a threat. The hollow feeling inside her brought back the tears. What she told Gibbs remained true. She just wanted Kate.

Mcgee couldn't take listening to her beside him anymore. He had wrapped his arms around her not sure if she'd let him or push him away. He'd been watching her all night flit from one activity to another. She had even tried to write code. Not very successfully but then they both knew she was bad at it. Something to occupy her mind he supposed. He wished he could see inside her head but decided that maybe he actually didn't want to. Her war against grief was almost impossible to watch. He couldn't imagine being inside it. They all missed Kate. He missed Kate, but he had never been as close to her as Abby was. She curled into him. She was twisting her shirt around her arms so tightly he wondered how far from cutting off circulation she was. "Who's next?" he didn't have an answer for her. "They're fine Abs." "Tony's drunk and Gibbs is on a probable suicide mission. How is that okay Tim?" "Just call them Abby; you'll never sleep if you don't."

She agreed, she wanted to check on them. Know that for that moment they were all safe, even if it was the middle of the night. He reached over for his phone and pulled her hand away from her shirt to take it. She dialed Tony who didn't answer. At least she knew what he was doing. Gibbs was more concerning. She dialed the number. "What McGee?" "It's me?" his tone changed immediately. "You okay?" she didn't answer. "You'll be there tomorrow, right Gibbs?" It was a loaded question. He knew the real one. You'll still be alive tomorrow. "Yes Abby. Go to sleep."

Tim heard her mumble a few more things then silence. "Better?" he asked when she hung up still clutching his phone. He let her keep it and gently tugged her back against him. She'd probably call the others again. She was distracted again when she finally responded; "Kate's gone Timmy."

The next morning found their odd little group headed for the funeral. Abby had wedged herself between Tim and Tony on the plane which nobody had argued with. Gibbs was absent. The new director had assured them he was fine and would be there in time for the service but not before Abby had almost lost her grip on sanity again. They were burying Kate. Who knew all her secrets who she could count on for anything except staying alive. She wouldn't have put it past Ducky to sedate her but she got it together in time to leave. She wouldn't be ready for this. She had to be ready for this.

Later as Gibbs walked away from the burial with Abby and Jenny, he was reflective. Busy remembering Kate, processing what he had witnessed Ziva do. The sacrifice she had made. For him. Jenny being thrust back into his life. Abby, still his, still there, not drowning as she had been. They would get through this. They were only physically leaving Kate. He knew Abby would still come to him lost, looking for someone she wouldn't find. It was interesting though that she had called him in the middle of the night from Mcgee's phone. He was just glad she hadn't been alone. He knew he would hear about being late from Abby but for the moment justice was sweet enough. Kate was gone but the others were living. And even if he hadn't been the one to pull the trigger: Ari was dead.


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own NCIS; No infringement is intended.

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Gibbs had known that it was never going to be easy, Abby losing Kate, but it had been months now. Abby was better. She no longer broke down at the slightest reminder of her best friend. She still wasn't over losing Kate but she had mostly returned to her usual Abby self. Ziva had joined the team and was shockingly fitting in. Aside from her affection for violence, unsettling friendship with Jenny, and total lack of defensive driving skills; he knew they could make an agent out of her yet. She had proved as much. Tony and Mcgee had both accepted her, allowing her to fill the missing hole on their team. Ziva even had Ducky totally charmed.

Still, not all was going swimmingly on team Gibbs. Abby hadn't minded Paula Cassidy filling in. But Paula had never intended to stay permanently. Gibbs knew she was a good agent but putting Cassidy on his team long term was not about to happen. She could handle DiNozzo, he'd give her that but she was too hotheaded to take orders from him. The fit wasn't quite right. Then Jen had assigned Ziva. Ever since, Abby had observed that Ziva had shown no hint at leaving. Having her around for the foreseeable future was looking extremely likely to occur. Abby's blatant hostility towards Ziva had not lessened since the day she had come bursting towards him demanding to know why the Israeli was back.

He understood. To a point. Grief was behind her actions, made people into things they were not. He also knew she was not pleased with how accepting he, himself was of Ziva. Thankfully she didn't push that issue. He could not explain to her his trust of Ziva to her. So, Gibbs had let it go for months now. Abby didn't hate people, she would come around. Eventually. He hoped.

It was also secretly entertaining watching Mcgee try to both be friends with Ziva and remain sympathetic to Abby's opinion on the matter. Mcgee had reverted to the stammering whenever the subject of Ziva was broached around the forensic scientist. Amusing. What was not amusing him though was the division being created in his team. He needed them to be able to depend on each other and work together. All of them. He did not expect them to become bosom buddies. That wasn't even in the realm of possibilities. What he did need was civility.

It was time to take matters into his own hands. It was why he had cornered Abby earlier that day. He had unceremoniously sat her into a chair and told her in no uncertain terms that enough was enough. Abby was to stop her warpath, effective immediately. She could consider it an order. It had gone about as well as he expected. Abby had stormed off and not reemerged from the lab. He had decided to give her space. All communication had been regulated to Mcgee. She was the least likely to take her anger out on him.

Ever since she'd found out Ziva was staying it had been a standoff. The foreign coldness and rampant aversion from his bubbly scientist were getting old. Frankly, he wasn't sure how much longer it would be until things came to a head. He knew Ziva understood as well as he did. Knew she was being patient with Abby. Still, it would be better if things improved before Ziva got fed up with Abby's behavior. Knowing Ziva, it would not be a battle Abby would win. He needed both of them in one piece. Gibbs had decided to let her be angry with him for the night. Saw it as a step in the right direction. He'd deal with the fallout tomorrow, after she had time to think.

When he arrived at his home that evening, it had taken multiple trips to haul his purchases from the hardware store down to the basement. On his last trip he finally noticed he was not alone. She was sitting under the boat. Had her knees drawn up to her chin, waiting on him. He dropped the rest of his supplies on the cabinet and went to join her. Gibbs watched her, waiting for her to start. Either she'd had a revelation or she was coming to lay out her position on the matter of his newest agent yet again. He hoped it was something more akin to the first because he had heard the second about a thousand times. "I know she's not going anywhere. But I can't, Gibbs, not yet. Not her. I can't not hate her."

Gibbs had always known that Abby's reaction to Ziva wasn't truly about the Mossad Officer. While her relationship to Ari didn't stand in her favor, Abby's reaction had always been about Kate. He acknowledged that she wasn't ready to see anyone in her best friend's desk. She was never going to be ready for that. Despite his not having picked her for his team; Ziva had turned against her own blood. She had earned his trust. He didn't think it would help if Abby knew about that event, even if he had been willing to tell her. You didn't turn on family, terrorist or not. Sometimes, her sense of right and wrong was too defined.

Abby loved fiercely, with that love came extreme loyalty. She had decided long ago that Kate was worthy. Nothing was going to change that. He had never wanted that to be taken from her. He knew that Abby had loved Kate, still loved her. Abby had always been all or nothing. Gibbs knew he couldn't expect her to flip a switch overnight and let Ziva in. However, he was worried that she'd never be able to accept Ziva; now that she had decided she was the enemy. It was hard to change that brilliant mind of hers. "It's not a betrayal Abs. Accepting Ziva is not a betrayal to Kate." She was glaring at him. "That's exactly what it is Gibbs. Ziva is related to the monster." He couldn't deny her statement.

"Lots of people are related to monsters Abby. You've never held it against anyone else." Ari was a monster. Undoubtedly. But monsters were rampant in their world. What would she think if she knew the truth about him? To think her revulsion could be aimed at him. He wasn't sure but he didn't ever want to find out. "Nobody else killed Kate." "Ziva did not kill Kate." he stressed. Silence paraded through the basement. "I know." She wasn't full out crying but she was close. Another good reason to add the list of positives coming from Ari being dead; knowing he didn't have to hunt him again for what he had done to his people. It was a long list.

"She's not trying to be Kate." Abby wasn't looking at him anymore but he was sure she was listening. She nodded at the ground none the less. He continued "Ziva is Kate's replacement as an agent but she's never going to replace her." Another nod. "Tony and Mcgee are trying to get along with her." "The traitor. I can always tell when he's been lying to me." Gibbs smiled. "Mcgee has to work with her Abby, you all do. He doesn't have to avoid her just because you have a problem with her." Plus he was had seen how well Ziva and Tim got along with each other in general. They would make good partners and friends. But he wasn't about to tell that to Abby. Those two could work out their own issues. As long as Abby didn't try to corrupt his agent into doing her bidding concerning their cases and Mcgee kept the fact he was in love with her out of the office; Gibbs didn't particularly care what they did. As much as he thought Mcgee sometimes needed to stand up to Abby, he wasn't a proverbial couple's counselor.

She cut off his thoughts with her admission "I saw her again the other night. It was only a dream. But she was there and laughing and it was a regular day. I'd give anything to have another day where I don't have to wake up and realize she's dead. Gibbs, I've never wanted anything to be real so badly. Not since my parents…" She trailed off. She didn't talk about them. It was easier for her not to. As much as she still grieved for and needed her parents; that was an old, familiar pain. Kate was still new. You never got used to loss but you knew what to expect from it. Abby knew as much. Eventually Kate would move to the same status as those who had gone before her. It was how it would inevitably end. A change that would offer them a enabling them all to keep living. He leaned over to kiss her head. She knew he understood: he always understood her. They sat for a few more minutes until Kate's reappearance seemed to pass.

Finally, he crawled out from under the boat and went about setting up for his work. "Hating her isn't going to bring Kate back." The crux of the issue: despite how far she had come, Abby still desperately wanted and needed Kate to be alive again. Continuing to focus on hating Ziva instead of missing Kate wasn't going to help her. Maybe that was starting to change. "You don't have to like her. Just try not looking at her like you want to stab her." Hopefully the open hatred would stop. At least he had more hope than he had after their initial talk that morning. Abby switched from sitting to lying under his boat as he began to sand the rough wood. They all had their own ghosts. The dead would always be there, in the background, time had taught him as much. But as for the living, it was time for his team to move on. They were ready.


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own NCIS; No infringement is intended.

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Tony was alone at his desk when she found him. The head doctor had her on edge all day and now apparently the whole team had jumped ship. "Where is everyone?" "Ziva left, No idea where Mcgee went, Boss is out somewhere with Rachel." "Rachel? Did you have a change of heart about shrinks?" Tony was quiet for a minute. Actually he'd been very Un-Tony since she found him. The way he was looking at her was off-putting, reflective and not her loving jokester at all. "She's her sister Abby." "Who's sister?" "Rachel, she's Kate's sister." She took the necessary steps to sink down into Mcgee's empty chair before her legs had the chance to give out on her. "Kate." "Yeah."

There wasn't anything else to say as she absorbed that revelation. Kate. She had half a mind to crawl under Tim's desk. Or better yet Ziva's and pretend for a minute it was still Kate's. But she didn't. They didn't talk about Kate anymore. She was almost taboo. Tony had never talked about Kate. Not since they had buried her. Only in extremely occasional passing was she ever mentioned by the senior field agent. They had never had the conversation about what they had lost. "I told her about Kate." He looked at her with only vague curiosity. "What about her?" "I told Dr. Cranston, Rachel, How much I miss her. How I don't have anyone like that anymore. If I had known who she was…" Her voice had caught in the middle of her statement. It was easy to forget how close, how connected, Abby and Kate had been.

He didn't know what to say to her, the whole day had him utterly overwhelmed. "Abby…" She knew, understood, she always did. "It's okay Tony." Time had passed and a lot had changed. They had lost more friends. In a way, Kate had been only the beginning. She didn't hate Ziva. In fact, she counted Ziva among her dearest friends, her makeshift family. She was as close to Ziva as anybody could ever really be, as close as Ziva would let her. It was never like it had been with Kate though. There would never be another person in that role. Abby had accepted that. Even Tim, as close as they were, could never fill that empty space. In some ways, she still held the role of walking memorial. The years had not changed that.

Gibbs found them still sitting in silence. He knew that Tony had figured out Dr. Cranston's connection to their team. And by the way Abby was staring off into space he would guess that Tony had enlightened her as well. Cranston had followed him back up to the bullpen. It had been a good decision, taking her to his basement. Some closure was better than none. He gave it less than two minutes before Abby attacked. He was right.

Within seconds of realizing they had returned, Abby had flown out of her seat and was hugging the doctor with all her might. The doctor cleared her throat before addressing the younger woman. "I was going to tell you." The only response she got was a vigorous nod into her shoulder. Rachel had felt a bit odd about keeping back who she was. With most of the team it had been fine. She knew Gibbs knew who she was from the start. The others didn't bother her as much. However, she had not felt right keeping it from Abby, especially as they talked about Kate, not from her sister's best friend, who so blatantly missed her.

Gibbs wondered if they were going to end up having to forcibly extract Abby from the doctor. If you looked quickly, it was almost like seeing her with Kate again. He wondered if Cranston was suffocating yet. Before he could decide upon the best manner of removing her, Abby had finally released her. Abby pulled away but continued to stare at her in awe. "Kate. She… I never…" Rachel put up her hand to stop Abby trying to speak. For Rachel, her sister's death had changed many things. She knew that the same went for Abby. She had observed the team, weeded out information about all of them both from Kate, years ago, and from themselves in her interviews. They had helped her more than they would ever know. But maybe she there was still something she could do, could validate, for Abby. "She loved you too, Abby." It was all there was to say. One of those precious moments where Abby could almost feel Kate. They were both half smiling, half crying and looking at each other with complete understanding.

Tony still thought about his fallen partner. He would never forget her. But, He knew he had moved past Kate. He was glad that Rachel had come, sought them out. He hoped she had found what she was looking for. The boss was good at helping you find what you needed. Even when you didn't know what it was you needed. However, he was not totally sure it was a good thing that she and Abby had finally met.

He worried it had the potential to drag them back into the dark recesses where Kate still lingered, feeding off each other. But watching them, Abby and Rachel, he knew Abby had finally found someone else who understood. Who like herself, was never going to be able to leave Kate behind, to never completely accept that she was gone. If Rachel could give her someone to connect with, a way to not be alone in her head with Kate. Maybe instead of darkness, there would be light.

The following weeks found the whole team returning to the status quo after Dr. Cranston's appearance. Psych visits always made them all uncomfortable, usually bringing up issues they would all rather keep quiet. Head doctors made them all think a little too much. Put them all on edge. Especially this one. Abby had ended up agreeing to spend the evening at Mcgee's.

They had actually agreed upon a movie and she knew he still had a bottle of the really good wine his publisher had sent him. Throw in everyone's favorite German Shepherd and she was set. Throughout the film, Mcgee had apparently decided to make it his own personal game to try and get her hair out of the braids. He'd been successful. He had moved on to tracing the infinity symbol on her arm. She let him; after all she had turned him into her personal pillow. So as long as she didn't have to move, he could do pretty much whatever he wanted.

As the credits rolled, neither of them made any indication of moving. "Hey Abby?" "Hmm?" "Can I ask you a question?" She did lazily turn her head enough to look at him. "Since when do you have to ask?" "A real question." His real questions were to be handled with caution. They usually involved topics she didn't like discussing. He had felt her still, her pause almost made him tell her to forget it. Just as he was about to open his mouth she broke in. "Okay." He watched her for a second to make sure she was legitimately okay with it instead of trying to appease him.

Apparently she was. "If Kate hadn't died, if she was still here, do you think things would be different?" "Of course they would. Everything would be different." "Even us?" That one stopped her. Would she have stayed with Mcgee if Kate had been around? The sincerity with which he asked, not judgmental or demanding, just his own brand of curiosity, was comforting, was Tim. She sighed. "I don't know. Things were really bad, for a really long time. I couldn't seriously be with myself let alone anyone else. But I don't know. Maybe." It wasn't a lie but she knew the real, one hundred percent honest answer, was closer to yes.

She had multiple reasons for leaving him back then. They had been mostly broken up before she had died. Not that Tim had ever wanted that. Had Rachel said something that made him think about all this again? She had certainly refreshed the idea in Abby's head. After Kate, she couldn't risk letting anyone that close. Somehow over time, it hadn't mattered; he had worked his way in despite her attempts at self-preservation.

"Maybe." He repeated after her. "Probably." She conceded. He didn't push the subject any further. It was enough for one night. He was shocked that she had admitted it. He flicked the movie over to television and found one of the channels she liked. She hadn't fled when he asked. He'd been wondering, thinking about how things might have been. He didn't know what it meant, if she would consider trying to change anything or not. But he had gotten a real answer. It was a leap forward for him. Maybe even for them. He still had hope. It was complicated. But that was living.

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